Do You Need a Relationship Financial Exit Strategy? The Do’s and Don’ts of an Emergency Breakup Fund

Many people have separate accounts for their kids’ college education, a house down payment, or even a kitchen renovation they’re dreaming of. But one type of savings is far less likely to come up on date night: the money many quietly set aside in case their relationship ends.

“Keeping such compartmentalization secret is a double-edged sword … being found out likely creates (more) conflict,” Johanna Peetz, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at Carleton University who studies relationships and financial behavior, told Investopedia. Still, she understands the quandary many partners face. “My intuition would be that if a breakup is considered a credible possibility, separating or compartmentalizing finances earlier rather than later is likely a good idea.”

So is having a secret stash a step too far? We take you through the pros and cons below.

Key Takeaways

• Emergency breakup funds aren’t just for the commitment-phobic, since they can provide a lifeline for those in damaging relationships.
• That said, research shows that financial secrecy can corrode the type of trust that researchers have found is crucial to happy relationships.

Why People Create Secret Breakup Funds

While about half of Americans (45%) in a committed relationship consider “financial infidelity” (when couples with combined finances lie to each other about money) as morally wrong as sexual infidelity, almost the same percentage (40%) have committed it in their current relationship, according to a late 2024 survey. However, comprehensive data on American “breakup funds” is limited. Across the pond, a 2025 U.K. survey found that about half of British adults have secretly set aside money in case their relationship ends—and those in the U.K. feel “financially compatible” with their partners at about the same rate as those in the U.S. (89% vs. about 83% in a recent U.S. survey). The average size of a secret stash was £4,739 (about $6,400).

The motivation that many might have makes an uncomfortable financial sense. One in four Americans has ended a relationship specifically over money problems, according to Experian. When you factor in the brutal math involved in modern breakups—especially for unmarried couples—and the money you might need to start over on your own, having secret savings starts looking less cynical than at first glance:

Important

Financial concerns consistently rank as one of the top reasons for staying with or returning to an abusive partner, according to the National Network to End Domestic Violence.

• The stark legal reality: Cohabiting partners, America’s fastest-growing family type, have few legal protections when relationships implode. Joint bank accounts can be drained overnight. Shared credit cards can be maxed out without warning. If only one name appears on a lease, mortgage, or car loan, the other person may face potential emergencies related to housing or simply getting to work, with little legal recourse.
• For abuse survivors, hidden funds can be life-saving: Financial abuse occurs in 99% of domestic violence cases, according to the National Network to End Domestic Violence (NNEDV). Abusers set out to destroy their victims’ financial independence—forbidding work, controlling spending, sabotaging job opportunities, or withholding money for basic needs. In such situations, secret savings can provide the necessary resources when escape becomes essential.
• Experience teaches hard lessons: Tellingly, divorced Americans who’ve seen firsthand the wreckage of a breakup are three times more likely than married Americans to recommend keeping finances separate (25% vs. 8%), according to a 2025 Western & Southern survey.

Signs You Might Need a Financial Exit Strategy

While researchers have consistently found that couples who fully pool their finances communicate significantly better about money and other matters, sometimes having separate savings is necessary. Here are reasons you might consider protecting yourself with set-aside funds:

• Your partner engages in financial abuse or controlling behavior around money.
• Your partner is financially irresponsible in a way that threatens household stability.
• Situations where you’ve otherwise lost access to your own income or accounts.

Pros

• Financial security: Could provide immediate resources for housing, transportation, and basic needs if a relationship ends suddenly.

• Escape route: Critical resource in abusive relationships.

• Personal independence: Some may feel more confident having their own money “just in case.”

• Not just for breakups: Can be used for standard emergencies (job loss, medical bills, etc.).

Cons

• Erodes trust: Many Americans believe financial secrets are as bad as sexual infidelity.

• Could create emotional distance: Partners may feel like you’re not in this together should the savings be discovered.

• Escalation: Could lead to more secrecy and hidden spending.

• Missed opportunities: Money sitting separately could be invested jointly for shared goals like home ownership.

The Bottom Line

While financial experts universally recommend having an emergency fund, the situation becomes far trickier when it comes to saving specifically for when a relationship ends. Research shows that couples who communicate openly about money, including separate accounts, have stronger relationships than those who keep financial secrets.

Still, there are compelling reasons many people create these funds—from protecting against financial abuse to preparing for the legal realities facing unmarried couples. But secrecy tends to feed on itself. “Any behavior practiced over time becomes a habit,” Peetz warned.